once upon a fairy tale...
+ she loves her mama's lemonade, hates the sound of goodbyes made +
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Thursday, March 29, 2012, 12:16 PM ///
6 Hopeful Note(s) ♦ click to comment
theres a lot of things i know i might be wrong about, but if there is one thing i do know for absolute certain, its this: high school sucks. it doesnt get much simpler than that. the drama, the cliqs, the favoritism, the weight of the books and the homework... itll drag you down both mentally and physically.
for me though, its more complicated. although i was bullied a lot when i was smaller, the amount of it really hasnt changed much--just the type. i dont get kicked in the shin, but i do get tripped. i dont find worms in my lunch, but i do get asked, "are you really gonna eat that?" i dont get spitwads blown at me, but i do see their stares from across the room. the constant judging. the constant reminder they think theyre better than me.
it turned from physical warfare to psychological warfare... and im honestly not sure which is worse.
but, somehow in the darkness, i found two lights to follow: my best friends, kenzie and veronica.
weve been friends for as long as i can remember, though i sometimes have to stop to remember why. i wasnt exactly the most outgoing kid back then--ha, never been outgoing, ever--but i guess it makes more sense when i say they found me. kenzie came to the rescue one day when i was being bullied, and she introduced me to vee... and then they just never stopped inviting to me to things, like everyone else always did.
of course, i wont lie and say that i tried making more friendships that failed, because... well, i just dont even know how to make friends. i do know that the few other times someone tried to befriend me always flopped--so i guess with these two, it was just meant to be.
while none of us are really what youd call socialites, kenzies definitely the 'leader' of these musketeers. shes the bravest, and certainly the loudest, though i guess thats really not saying much when compared to vee and i. its like calling stan the most mature kid in south park. might be true, but still doesnt mean much.
but, when its just the three of us, kenzies always the first to take charge--i guess it comes from being an only child. she definitely gets out a bit more than vee and i do, and shes got a pretty booming social life online... in fact, its pretty hard to separate her from her computer sometimes. vee and i literally had to pry her off it, once. shes always playing this game called... club wars? league wars? soemthing like that.
when shes not doing that, though, shes always trying to loop me into some wild goose chase of hers. i think kenzie read a little bit too much nancy drew when she was little, because shes totally convinced that theres always "game afoot" and mysteries to be solved... something i could usually care less about, but... well, its kenzie. how could i say no to her?
i guess thats why she wants to be on the school newspaper so bad. someday she wants to be a detective, and she thinks doing some investigative reporting will get her an edge on that. im not really sure what sort of school paper does stories like that, but maybe well be the first? she seems pretty determined, so i wouldnt doubt her getting one in if there isnt already.
while both kenzie and veronica are logical thinkers, vee is a much better problem solver. theyre both incredibly smart--way, way smarter than i am--but only one of them has been able to put together a puzzle in a few minutes flat. vee can see the solution in any tricky situation--which not only makes her a genius, but really good at giving advice. ive found myself on her doorstep more than once asking for help.
but, it also makes her more skeptical. vee tends to overthink everything a little too much. it makes her a great chess player, since shes always thinking three steps ahead, but shes all about thinking rather than acting... and sometimes she gets a little bit caught up in that.
its pretty funny when she gets a revelation, though--youve never seen someone giddy until youve seen vee after shes figured something out.
it takes about as much coaxing to get her out of the house as it does me, but every now and then, when kenzies not dragging us off on some big adventure, the two of us will hit our favorite spot together: the library. she reads much, much... much faster than i do, but every now and then shell read book out-loud to me, so we can both hear the story at the same time.
truthfully, as much as she stays inside puzzle-solving and reading and occasionally working on an art piece or two, i think its because she misses all the traveling her family used to do. her family (consisting of her parents, two brothers and a twin sister) used to move around quite a lot for her dad's photography... compared to her last home in egypt, twinbrook is pretty boring.
but, she never complains--so i guess shes finally started to see it as home.
if i had to pick one as my best friend... i really dont think i could. i love them both so much, itd be like
sometimes, though... i dont know. the two of them are brilliant together, and have so much more in common than i do with them, i wonder if they be better off without me as a third wheel... they say you get more stability as a tripod, but i just feel like im slowing them down.
kenzies going to be a brilliant detective, and vee a brilliant doctor. me... a brilliant mess, if i can even figure out what i want to do with my life.
part of me always feels like ill always be on the outside looking in. im a lost observer to a world growing tall and complex around me, drifting and floating aimlessly while the people i love find so much to ground to in reality. i want that, so bad... i want what they have. i hate being so lost.
i know i shouldnt be jealous of my own friends--but i am. (im sorry. :( )
no matter what, though, i will always stand by them. i know i cant do much, but anything i could do, i would do for them. theyve given me the best gift a girl could ask for, and kept me sane through all ive been through.
i hope i never lose them--i don't know what id do if i ever did.
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